Short blog.

Let me just say:

Weaknesses are painful.

If a weakness was a person, I would stab it in the kidney.

Church of Christ

I attended a Bible Study at the Church of Christ in Lafayette, Indiana on Wednesday, March 9, 2008. A new friend, Brittney, took me and was my "escort."

We pulled up into a decently large parking lot. It was nearly full. She told me about a few different types of classes they offer for different groups -- mostly centering around age. We went to a building next door to the chapel. It was a white, one story building that used to be a dentist's office. [That last part isn't really important. It's just a random fact I remembered.]

We attended the college-aged group. The discussion was about fellowshipping. Somewhere in the discussion they started talking about when it is appropriate to use the church's money [instead of the congregation's money] for fellowshipping. There was no closing prayer. (Nor opening song)

I did not quite follow the part about the use of money so well... or, I just had a hard time understanding it. I don't know all the details of my church, but pretty much the person in charge of a group gets a budget and they decide what to spend it on. The idea is that every activity in the church is free... no matter if the activity is about sharing the Gospel of just goofing off. This way -- no one is excluded because of cost. This just makes sense to me. It was strange to think about paying to attend an activity at church. None the less, some uplifting Christ-centered lessons were taught.

After this we went to the chapel where we had all the different groups meet together. There was a short devotional type lesson taught and we sang. This, was my favorite part. It was all sung a capella. Behind where the elder (I think he was called an elder. He may have just been a member of the congregation) spoke to us, there was a baptismal font. It appears this church believes in baptism by immersion. I wonder if they wear all white. I am interested in attending a baptism at this location.

When the meeting dispersed, everyone talked and mingled afterwards. I must say that everyone was very friendly. I can't tell you how many times I said "I am a student at Purdue but I am switching majors. I went from Hospitality and Tourism Management to Organizational Leadership and Supervision." Just a side note: I think it's funny that my new major isn't any easier to say than my old one. Anyway. They were very interested in me and my life. I can't lie -- at some points I was bored... and I was getting a litle squirmish shaking all those hands. Think of all the germs!

Overall this church was great. I have plans to go again. I want to go on a Sunday and see how those services are. I think the only real problem I have with that church is the role of women. (They can't pray or teach with men present) I am thankful for all the friendly greetings. It's so wonderful to gather with other Christians, no matter what denomination.

Get your holiness on!

I have realized recently that I love church. Not just my church, but church in general. I love the interactions of different people. I love that in each congregation there is "the crier," "the overly sweet friendly girl," "the boy that goes because parents expect it," and so on. I love the sense of community many people feel when they attend. I love singing. I love Jesus. I love learning about Him. I love being surrounded by people who love Him. I am enamored with the love.

So. I have decided to do a "study" of various churches. This study will last until school gets out. I am going to attend as many churches, activities, bible studies and other such mettings as possible. I will then record my thoughts, obervances and opinions. I hope I can get at least 5 different denominations. That might be a stretch... mostly because I have 3 Sundays left.. I think. I may have to do double duty some Sundays.

I am ready for my mind to be expanded.... well, as much as it can be in a predominantly Christian country.

Any suggestions? Email me. julia7marie@gmail.com

Incoherent-phobia

I started this blog by going through my day step by step. But then I realized that 1. You don't care about my day to day activities and 2. I was getting bored by typing my day to day activities. Really-- all I want to do is document my frustration.

I have 9 months before I go on an 18-month mission. 9 months until I cannot listen to secular music. 9 months until I cannot play kissy face with a boy. 9 months until I will be able to serve the Lord with all my heart, might, mind and strength.

What is my problem, you ask? Everything.

How am I supposed to "lock my heart" and NOT like boys for a year and a half???!!?!?!
How am I supposed to not check Facebook or send emails?
Do you REALLY think I will be able to wear ONLY dresses for that WHOLE time??

Those things, in all actuality, do not bother me. The greatest concern I have is my capability of serving. Today, with the sister missionaries I tagged along to a lesson. Great. Wonderful. Beautiful. The sister missionaries are everything I want to be. Well. The man interested asked a lot of great questions. I realized when we were discussing the answers, I had none. I did not know how to form coherent sentances. When we went off topic, I had no idea how to bring us back. Fortunately, this was not my responsibility. But. In the near future.... about 10 months, it will be.

I am wallowing in self-doubt and pity. I am being selfish and not taking dear friends' advice.

Maybe I AM taking their advice but I want to be a drama queen. Maybe I want everyone to correct me and remind me how "great" I am... and how "sweet" my spirit is. Maybe.

But I doubt it.

I feel dizzy. I feel weak. I feel faint.

I want to believe my friends and family when they encourage me. But right now... I just can't. And it has got me in one heck of a funk. I know my Heavenly Father knows me personally. I know he understands my trials, fears and doubts. He loves me. I have this feeling that once I overcome this anxiety and stress, I will be more confident, more steady, more sure.

Until then, I will sit here in my apartment alone... probably making lists on how to correct my incoherent-phobia.... or uploading pictures to pick-up at Walgreens. One of the two. Or both. Yeah, both.

Euphoria

The first word that came to mind was euphoria. I decided I didn't really know the definition of said word. So I looked it up. It is a feeling of happiness, confidence, or well-being sometimes exaggerated in pathological states as mania.

This is me right now.

I was accepted to be a counselor for Especially for Youth. I am not sure exactly when and where I will be working. The important thing is that I was hired.

This summer will be AMAZING. I threw in April because its almost as amazing.

April:
General Conference
YSA in Muncie (I get to see Lori)
Possible trip to Nauvoo with Whitney?
Camping trip with the ward
Grand Prix Week & Grand Alternative Activities!!!!

May:
Move back to FW for the summer
Babysit while parents chill at some resort
Work at Pizza Hut

June:
Work at Pizza Hut
EFY

July:
EFY
Go to UTAH! (Pioneer Day. See the sights. Say hello to the prophet.. etc)
Work at Pizza Hut
Start mission papers

August:
Pete & Laura's wedding
Road trip to Pennsylvania
Move back to school/ Start school
Finish & Submit mission papers

The next few months are going to be euphoric.

Learning Experience.

It's worth noting that my first title to this blog was "failure." But I decided to be more optimistic and turn my "failure" into a learning experience.

I had the "opportunity" teach a principle in a discussion with the missionaries. Before I dive into that, I would like to point out that in Mormon world talks are traditionally started out as, "I was blessed with the opportunity to speak to you today." It IS an opportunity. Good job. You snatched that opportunity. Opportunity. How many times can I say opportunity in one paragraph?

I am good at digressing.

My friend decided to start taking discussions with the missionaries again. Because I have been studying the necessary lessons I decided to step up to the plate and take a swing at this teaching business. Well, ladies and gentlemen-- it is hard.

I studied this ONE principle for about 10 hours. I read over the paragrapghs over and over. I made outlines, role played to my friends, talked it over in the shower.... etc. Then. When it came to the moments I was supposed to speak the few simple ideas of this principle, I stumbled over my words. I forgot key phrases. I could not remember the order of things.

This was very difficult for me. I want to BE A MISSIONARY. How can I be a missionary if I can't even teach a simple principle? I know I know. They will train me to teach. I will spend three weeks in a training center that will vigorously teach me skills I need. But-- what if I don't learn it? I don't think I can have many discussions and feel that LAME afterwards. I wanted to cry. But if I cried, that would make me appear weak.. and sister missionaries already have a bad enough rep as it is. [I know I am not a full-fledged sister missionary, but you get what I am saying.]

So. I am a little overwhelmed at the moment. Make that a lot. A lot overwhelmed. I am stressed. I want to cry. I want to quit.

I was told by a friend that many people experience a trial of faith before their mission. This very well may be my trial. Well, trials of faith are more precious than gold. We'll see about that.

I'm feeling a little skeptial.